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| R. I. P. to the person u once knew... this person will never be the same... may his soul rest in peace and be born again into the light where he wuz meant to be... letting go all ties to everyone he now lives life for himself and will not let anyone or anything tie him down ever again... this is the new Jeff... goodbye to the old me... love it or hate it... it really doesn't matter to me anymore... and if there's that one person that reads this... thnx again for making me realize myself... i was lost... and now i'm lost to you... just a person from the past... besides u have your new life too... so best wishes from me to you... and I guess I can finally say goodbye... and besides I say goodbye becuz I know I'm not a part of u'r life anymore... this is me... how u see me is u'r own concern...
R. I. P.
Sycho,Dadragonwithin,Sosychotic
1999-2005
I don't know if he'll ever be missed | | |
| who am i?? every damn f@!#*in' corner that i turn to is dark and cold... wut has happened to... i feel so different... is this really who i am... it all seems like deja vou but worse... i've realized i'm actually baq to the peson i wuz a couple of yrs ago but in far worse shape... where is the light that i'm supposed to reach towards to escape the abyss that i'm in... i dunno if i can handle this anymore... and no i'm not the strong willed person that i thought i wuz... where is this life leading me to?? when will it end?? have i finally taken of all the masks that have hid this soul in this imperfect, fake, pathetic, poor excuse of a body that you call a person?? did i even deserve the chances of life that were thrown at my face?? or do i even deseve life itself... look at me y am i talkin' like this?? should i even care?? are these the emotions that are truly within me?? i'm so lost i don't know wut to do or say anymore... y am i thinkin' like this?? y am i actin like this... i wanna disappear... where is the God that i've been praising?? i've prayed... even for small things... and even for others... hardly for myself... but at the times that i do... where are U to guide me... you can't see but i'm startin' to tear... it's all over now... wuz i even meant to be here?? all the oh u'll be ok dun wrry you'll get over things and just forget about things... SFU!!! yall don't know me... no one does... how can anyone help me even if i don't know wut's wrong?!?! Disappear... yeah that's wut i'll do... who cares anyway... do?? honestly why would u?? yeah so peaople say that i'm part of their life am i really?? or do they just say that... like i said yall don't know me and i guess no one ever did... even those ones close to me just ran away and hid....all of it's overflowing i can't take it anymore... do i even dare to walk the path that i did before... why did i even try convince myself that i could be happy... as if i ever deserveg it anyway... now it feels as if my whole life has been a game... "don't worry jeff it'll all be ok..." yeah ok... that's all i hear... you know wut... y do i even listen anyway... all the smiles, hi's, bye just feel all so fake... "oh look it's jeff is he ok... how's dealing with things??" yeah ok like people care... they say they do but they;re never there... wut am i gonna do?? damn i feel like a scitzo even i know i'm not... wut is this that's nuilding insode of me?? where did it come from?? you all probab;y think i'm crazy and u'r probably right... maybe that's y i have my tag... wut if i did vanish who would care yeah mybe family... but anyone else would just forget in a couple of months... all who reads probably might get scared but i'm the person living it and i always have to be prepared... i'm tired of this kind of life even if i've changed it in the past and ran away from it always seems to catch up... why did even care to change my life even if wuz gonna be the same anyway... i doubt anyone will read this cuz i hardly udate... but i know just a few will not even a handfull will read wut's goin' on with me... and the sad part is i don't even know if it's the real me... i don't who am anymore... actually i never knew who i wuz in the first place... how many masks have i put on and taken off... and am still wearing those masks or is this the real me.... a very confused lost person who can never be happy... who tries to be a good person and i, someone. or something always fux it up...to disappear sounds so great right now... i'm walkin' away from everything now... just a shadow in the past... to be never heard from again... = )... maybe this is the last time anyone will ever see me smile... and to think that love wuz something for me... it never wuz | | |
| wussup guys... me i'm chillin' bored at home... past 2 weeks has been kinda interesting... got to see people from my past got to meet new people and... been thinkin' about things non stop... for once in a realli long time i kinda feel relaxed and finding myself not stressing out as much as i used to. confusion is still a part of me and trying to solve old problems are still an enigma of thoughts and questions piling up in my head... wut actions should i take upon now... which path i walk... people have to understand i have to do something, but it doesn't mean i want to... it's funny people ask me y i don't just let go... they don't understand... and it seems to me that the person who should understand the most doesn't understand anything at all... i don't want to give up but at times it seems that god's tellin' me that i have to... and if i do i dunno wut will become of me... yes i admit that i'm scared of being utterly alone... but it's one thing that has always made me strong... but i defintly know that at times i see me myself vulnerable and weak... i dunno maybe it's just me talkin' crazy talk, but i can't help thinkin' about things in my head over and over again and coming up with no solutions... so as i sit here and sing along to frankie j's don't wanna try... i look into the past and ask myself where is it all leading me to... wut kind of person am i and wut kind of person will i become... | | |
| wussuh every one. hope everyones' doin' ight... as for me i'm chillin' takin' ish in day by day as i always do... well i just got finished readn' someones xanga and it seems that she's doin' fine... i guess it's just how things r supposed to be ... well i've goin' out clubbin' lately and tryin' to get things off my mind... and i guess it's been workin'... well i guess i'm my own person now where there's no one attached to me... i guess it's ok but i'm not sure i've been to used to things for ove 4 yrs now and little by little seems like i've been moving on... well right now i'm just chillin' waitin' for things to come my way... the past two months have been hectic and i guess everything's taking it's toll on me now but i still try to stay strong... but i just can't help but look into the past... and memories are just memories... sometimes i just want out and be by myself but i know i can't survive that way... as for now i'm out till the next time i make an entry... peace out nikkahs and never 4get me. | | |
| well let's see where should i start? Not many people seen in awhile due to schoolin' and workin' almost everyday. I really don't have much time to do anythin' anymore. when i do i just try to relax. but when i relax i think about things and when i think about things i get stressed out. i find myself constantly alone again and even though my friends say i'm not they totally don't understand. Wut path will this soul walk on from now on? Where will the current events lead me to do? I feel cold and alone in the dark again. Not knowing when i will see the bright of day again. I don't know if i should be scared or nervous in the situations I find myself in. These days i don't know anything anymore. " Jeff wut are u thinking about? " in reply " I dunno. " " Jeff how are you feeling? " in reply " I dunno. " " Jeff wut are you thinking about? " response " Nothing. " I no longer know wut to think, feel, or do anymore. Majority of the time now I don't know wut i want to do anymore. For some reason all this seems to be all too familiar. Wut am I talkin' about i guess i'm just scared if I ever convert to the way I wuz in the past. Wuz I too blind to see wut wuz going on around me? How did it evr come to this? Hmph. I guess all i know is that I will never be the same again.I can see a happy, outgoing, friendly person who wuz never afraid to be his self just fall and turn into dust to be blown away by the wind to make seem as if he wuz never there. It's been so long since I've written in this. Maybe cuz there isn't anyone to talk to or is it that that there's no one there i want to talk to. I feel like i'm closing the door to which everyone knows who i really am and i guess no one will ever see me as the same person again. " If I am gone don't worry about me. If I am lost don't search for me. If u never hear from me again don't look for me. and if i'm just there treat me as an invisible man cuz i don't believe nothing will come out these lips again." This pertains to everyone. Don't worry about me. All of you have tried to be there for me and tried your best. I don't want to be a burden on your shoulders anymore. Just let me be. Don't try to comfort me or console me. I just ask one thing never 4get about me and please always remember me as the person that u met. " I am in a cold dark abyss in which i can't escape from anymore. " This is my choice. I think this is wut i want, but scared pf being alone again. I guess it's something I have to deal with on my own. These are my burdens and no one elses. Feel free to say wut ever u want cuz u won't hurt my feelings and i won't be mad. So this is where I say that I'm out and everyone take care. | | |
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